Although it does involve a lot of Angry Birds. I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. These are clean jokes that will appeal to both the old and young, as well as the kids. You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
They start out as milk, and it's up to women to mold them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. She bought a bull then went to the telegraph office to notify her sister. Why is the ocean blue? My drinking team has a bowling problem. The brunette panicked because she only had one dollar left. But on the plus side — only three more sleeps till Christmas. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! Men are like a fine cheese. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. A train station is where a train stops. Claude Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. You either love them or you keep them at the back of the cupboard next to the piccalilli. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. Q: When do you stop at green and go at red? A: The month of March! What if there were no hypothetical questions? Light travels faster than sound. What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit? Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
He took them to a pignic. Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in. Q: Why did the robber take a bath? These cookies are what keep sites like this one online. We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour 375. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. Sex is not the answer.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem. Dave Barry's 50 Years of Experience Men, Manners. What has one horn and gives milk? What is sticky and brown? If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor? What has four legs and an arm? When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. A: Because he took a short-cut. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. What do you call the best butter on the farm? The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. A cat has a staff. Where would you learn how to make ice cream? Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Why is a bra singular and panties plural? What is Jesus' favorite food? When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies? The way nationalities have different takes on the same thing. Do not walk beside me either.
A: Because it was framed! If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing. We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. I sit and look at it for hours. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? It was all so different before everything changed. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.
Stupid jokes for one and all! Fiction has to make sense. Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary? Others have no imagination whatsoever. You know when she was born? But some of us are short. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. Our family has a serious issue with diarrhea.
True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture. Start a fight with somebody when they have the hiccoughs! Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. What did the necktie say to the hat? Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.